Conversation with a 5 year old

Don't you love the questions about death? I swear I would rather talk about sex with the kids. That conversation ends quicker and there is no crying! LOL

M: is me, K: is him.


K: When do you die?
M: When you get old.
K: How old? Old OLD or just old?
M: (Wanting this conversation to be over, but knowing it has so just begun!) Really old.
K: Like when your skin looks like mine after playing in the bathtub for a long time?
M: Yes.
K: Am I going to die?
M: (ARGH!) Yes, a long, long, long time from now.
K: What if we have an accident in the car.
M: I’m very careful.
K: Even while you are typing on the phone and driving?
M: (Shit! He can see me?) That’s bad. Mommy won’t do that anymore.
K: Good. Because if you do, we could die and our skin wont be old.
M: (Is this over yet?)
K: But wait, if everyone dies when they get old, I am the youngest one in the house. I am going to be here all alone. (Now crying.)
M: (I hug him.) You know how me and daddy are married and have kids? We have our own house and family. When gramma dies (Yes, I see the error now, thank you) I wont be home alone. I am here with you. See. You will have your own family.
K: Gramma is going to die!? Oh my god! (Sobbing uncontrollably)
M: Sweetie, you don’t have to worry about this. I promise. Nothing is going to happen.
K: Ok. But I don’t want to die alone. I want to have a dog.
M: (What the ……..?) Ok. Get a dog.
K: Ok, I will.

Long pause. I can see the thought coming……………….and here it goes.

K: OH NO! (crying again.) I wont have a car and I will be all alone and I don’t know where PetCo is! I won’t be able to get a dog!”

M: (thinking…..knowing he loves French Toast Sticks.) Hey, I got French Toast at the store yesterday.
K: YOU DID! YAY!


Oh thank god.

Hope you got a laugh……I’m exhausted. :<)